I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
