You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
