Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
