WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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