I wish I could punch you in the face.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize