Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
