I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
