My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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