She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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