You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
