butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
