the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
