Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
