Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
