Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
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Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom