i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dating After Heartbreak
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.