i don't plan on having that self control this summer
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
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I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?