Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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