Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
how drunk are you?
Several
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
