you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.