I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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