I'm eating all of the evidence.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight