I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it