I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
