your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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