I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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