So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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