if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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