I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
