He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
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