There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
