I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
