Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
