is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Randomize
