THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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