i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
