The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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