things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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