So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
