he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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