she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
