I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
