Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
