I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
