just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
