3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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