Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I smell like Dick and happiness
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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