i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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