We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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