omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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