Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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