Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize