Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
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