Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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