I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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