is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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