Redeem this text for a blowjob
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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