he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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