omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
