so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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