I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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