At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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