Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
