woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
