tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
