he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
