i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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