hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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