i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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