I just saw a hot homeless man
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
