I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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