i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize