hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
