i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
