Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
