Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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