I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
