My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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